Cory 1-844-332-2639 ext 407
I’d been called to the “fun house” on the edge of town to investigate what sounded like a paranormal situation. When I pushed open the creaky door, the smell hit me hard. It was a musty mix of wet carpet and baby powder. Weird combo, I thought. My eyes adjusted to the dim glow of a blinking Game Boy Color screen and there it was. A creature slinking in the corner. Its face was a smudge of a shadow and it had many (too many) teeth.
“Well,” I said, aloud, patting my hip where my “Mama Kit” (a custom duffel bag with a sippy cup, pacifier, and a vintage rattle) hung, “you’re not what I expected.” It hissed. I giggled. “Oh, you’re spicy. I like that.” Drawing on years of experience comforting mommy’s boys and toys, I waddled closer, patting the floor. “Here, let’s sit down like grown-ups.” I sat, crossing my legs. The creature paused, with its too-long fingers twitching. Casually, I pulled out the rattle and clicked it. “I bring treats,” I added, unzipping the duffel to reveal a stash of glow-in-the-dark lollipops (for emergencies).
the fun house on the edge of town
“Look,” I said, lowering my voice (a skill I’d mastered in both parenting groups and the bedroom), “I know what’s out there. I’ve faced monsters before. Like…the monster that hides in a mismatched sock drawer at 3 am. But we can beat this. You just need to trust me, okay, cupcake? I promise I know the rules of a million board games and can hold your hand without judgment.” The creature blinked, and for a moment, the room felt less like a horror flick and more like a particularly awkward playdate.
Then the lights flickered and the floor rippled like water. From the shadows, a dozen more shapes emerged. Their eyes glowed like stars. I yelped, but then remembered. ABDLs don’t cry. They reframe challenges as fun! Grabbing my pacifier, I flung the lollipop case like a ninja throwing stars. “TAKE THAT!” I bellowed, as chaos erupted. The creatures hissed, but my pacifier lodged itself in the lead monster’s mouth.
With a sudden lurch of logic-defying hope, the monster began to suck on the pacifier. By dawn, all of the creatures had vanished, leaving behind a single clawprint on the floor. A reminder that ABDL monsters are, indeed, very real.
Cory 1-844-332-2639 ext 407
https://phonesexcandy.com/cory